Allison Holker Hasn’t Truly Danced Since Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss’ Death

Allison Holker Boss hasn’t fully put her heart into dancing since the death of her husband Stephen “tWitch” Boss’ death.

During an appearance on The Squeeze podcast on May 29, the So You Think You Can Dance alum explained why she’s been unable to express her grief through dance and why she hasn’t practiced her craft to the full extent of her ability.

Holker, 36, claimed that she’s been “known as the storyteller” in the industry for her ability to tell “big stories” of “sadness, pain, abuse, cancer” and more. She said that it’s felt like “therapy” to help her friends demonstrate their lives through choreography.

“I wear that with a badge of honor. I’ve always been honored to do that for the people I love,” she continued, adding, “And it’s interesting because I still, to this day, have not danced that capacity.”

Though she’s “danced in TikTok form,” practiced “some hip hop” and done “fun dancing to bring a little bit of joy to myself,” Holker revealed that she hasn’t “danced that way” even though “I have the biggest story to tell now.”

“I think I’m still trying to prepare myself for it or learn that story. So before I step into that role for myself, I still haven’t,” she explained.

“A lot of people are like, ‘Oh, she’s dancing now.’ I’m like, yeah. But the way you know me as a dancer, I have not danced,” she continued. “And it’s still something I’m understanding will probably come back into my life and be a really important.”

After appearing as an All-Star on So You Think You Can Dance in 2010, Holker and Boss hit it off at the season’s wrap party, falling in love after sharing their first dance together.

As they grew a family — he adopted her daughter Weslie, 14, when they wed in 2013, and they welcomed son Maddox, 7, and their younger daughter Zaia, 3 — dancing remained the through line of their relationship.

This isn’t the first time Holker has opened up about returning to the couple’s shared passion. Four months after Boss’ death from suicide at age 40 in December 2022, the dancer told PEOPLE about when she sees herself returning to the dance floor.

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“I haven’t danced yet. I’ve wiggled with my kids here and there… but I haven’t yet,” she said. “I know that I will get there. I will.”

“That will probably be, honestly, my last step into healing…,” she continued, growing quiet. “The healing will be going on forever. I know that’s gonna be a big step for me, but I’ll get there.”

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.